I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
