Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
