She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
