Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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