Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think my fart just growled at me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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