You're my little dorito
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
