sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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