Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
