Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
