Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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