rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
