I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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