I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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