id be glad to
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize