Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
