if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
