mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
