I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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