my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize