God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
