Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
