i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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