i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
