she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
