Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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