Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
