Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
