I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize