I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
