I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
