I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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