I'm going to jail i love you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
