I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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