I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize