These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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