Kiss
Puke
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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