There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i've created a new STD.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
