I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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