the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
