Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
