so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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