Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
