I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
