If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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