OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
