He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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