i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
