I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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