im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
