I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
