He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
