May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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