he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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