would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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