p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
