last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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