you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
