Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
