Define "chronic" masturbator.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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