So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
