Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
