He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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