i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
