He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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