a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
