And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
