Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
