Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize