It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
