Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
