Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
