her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
